Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
