What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
