Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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