i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
