I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
