Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Are we still banned from the library?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
