would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
