My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?