fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.