This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying