so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.