I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
