We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You pole danced in your parka.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here