Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?