If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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