Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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