It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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