During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
