I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
