i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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