we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
