so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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