What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
