I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
