You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize