She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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