i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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