I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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