Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
