i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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