I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
