you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
