I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize