Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
