sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
