so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
