wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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