I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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