The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
