There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
