I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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