are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
