At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My friends, they love my intelligence
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
