I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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