did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
