Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
