he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
