You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
