I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
