dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
