so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
