god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's blow job season.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
