who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
