also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
