And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
