The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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