Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
