I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
