Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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