someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
