The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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