I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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