I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
