Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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