why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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