i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
