remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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