Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
