Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
