There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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